Repairing What We Missed In Our Childhood:
Reparenting: Giving Oneself What Was Missing During Childhood
For some people, being born to self-actualized parents is a gift. Under those circumstances, the parents see and hear their children as the unique individuals they are. Because people learn during childhood how to process emotions, how to set boundaries, and what relationships look like, as well as other behaviors, parents are the number one guides for children to become self-actualized adults themselves. The subconscious mind is also formed during childhood, and the subconscious mind can be a person’s good friend or a tough enemy during adulthood.
If there are pieces missing in one’s life preventing self-actualization, a place to start looking for those pieces is the reparenting process. While professionals vary in their method on the next best step when embarking on this journey, there are underlying themes that can be explored in repairing the child within and bridging the gap to be begin to forge forward to life that you want to live.
Seeking therapy can be an emotional experience but one that can provide insight and help you to identify the needs that you missed during childhood. Sometimes we are not able to pinpoint what is wrong. A professional psychotherapist can help guide you to those answers and make sense of a confusing pattern that we find ourselves repeatedly falling back into.
Our childhood wounds may appear in all shapes and sizes, transforming our subconscious thoughts into unwanted behaviors. We may find ourselves engaging in repetitive patterns of self-sabotage, addiction, infidelity, commitment issues, difficulty connecting with yourself or others, consumed with worry, anxiety, depression, anger management issues, difficulty adjusting to transition, and feelings of grief and loss.
An experienced therapist can guide in reparenting you, ultimately teaching you as an adult to meet your own needs that were perhaps not met during childhood. Together, we will explore your past and present experiences and come up with healthy solutions in order to allow you to cultivate a strong foundation for your future.
Not every parent is able to give their child all the tools necessary to succeed in life. The majority of parents do the very best that they can and even under the best of circumstances sometimes a child’s needs go unmet. A “no blame, no shame” perspective can be effective in taking responsibility for the reparenting process as an adult. Becoming aware of the need for the reparenting process is the first step in taking responsibility for parenting oneself.
Building self-discipline by adopting new habits and rituals is one of the keys in the reparenting process. By starting small and slowly creating a life of healthy habits, overcoming the resistance of old, unhealthy behaviors, a person can begin to practice self-discipline until it becomes second nature rather than something to overcome. Keeping promises to oneself is a valuable goal, and while it sounds easy at first, people exploring the reparenting process discover how often they break their promises even to themselves.
As a natural outcome of self-discipline, people practicing reparenting will also embrace self-care. From getting enough sleep to eating healthfully to exercising, self-care is a practical series of habits to not only preserve one’s mind by preserving one’s body but to also send a message to oneself that behavior matters. Habits and rituals matter. And as a natural outcome of self-care, people in the reparenting pursuit find that rituals such as meditation help them take care of their mind in addition to taking care of their body. It’s during meditation when a person can begin to bring conscious awareness to their choices and actions, overcoming a subconscious mind that may not have always been helpful in the past.
And once a person is immersed in the reparenting evolution, they discover their interests and hobbies that bring them joy. They play. They enjoy the company of others and find meaningful connections. Life becomes pleasurable.
While reparenting is not a quick or easy process, it is a worthwhile pursuit for many people who want to self-actualize and live a life to its highest potential.